I could not sleep the other night. I kept waking up, tossing and turning. Next, I would try to relax myself with good thoughts and meditation. Then, I finally felt wide awake and got out of bed at 4:30 am. I went downstairs, got my dog out of her crate and went to the lanai by the pool. I sat on a lounge chair wrapped in a furry blanked, my dog, Remmy, sat between my legs and relaxed. My mind was going 100 miles per hour. Sure, it is the holiday season. I am working on building my business and making more contacts. I am researching, meeting with people, and writing curriculum for classes in January. I must have too much on my mind. Remmy was sniffing the wind. So, I sniffed. I smelled bread from the bakery 3 miles away. I watched Remmy’s ears flicker so I listened. I heard traffic. A lot of traffic! Strange, I would never guess that there were so many cars on the road at this hour.
I realized that Remmy can just be. She is not thinking; she is not feeling. She is just being in the moment. Buddha would be proud of her, but not proud of me. I had monkey mind. Going like a crazy monkey. I know many exercises and techniques to slow it down; to relax my body but, nothing was working at all this am. So I decided to be like Remmy and just be.
Looking at the beautiful sparkly stars on this dark night, I wondered if I was on the right path. I decided to enjoy the wind and the cool air. I took a few deep breaths. I calmed down. All of a sudden I felt a wave of love. It was not even a wave; it was as if I was enveloped in a full on huge hug. Such a joyous hug, filled with love, and grace. My entire being expanded and joined the night. I felt such joy and love that tears came to my eyes. All I could say was “thank you, thank you, thank you.” My body tingled and electricity flowed through me. It was not warm or cold – it was perfect. It was love. I smiled. I laughed. I felt like I did not deserve this beautiful grace that had been bestowed upon me. But, I knew it was for me and I DO deserve it.
I have felt this grace a few other times in my life. I cannot imagine feeling it constantly. I wish I could, but I am not sure I can handle being in such openness. I want to feel this more often. I felt connected to all of the good in the world, the universe.
Just sitting on that lounge chair, staring up at the stars. Being. Is that all there is? Being? Is that what I need to do more often? Just Be. I wish that you feel this wonderful joy this holiday season. Try to just be even if it is for a few minutes.
#cantsleep #incrediblejoy #bliss #justbe
